Doggerel again — 2014 edition

The tree is took down (unless of course you’re Ukrainian)
The shortbread is all gone, and your waist size has been gain-ian’
So it’s that time again, after the Christmas vacation
To start the new year off right, with more moderation
And as you may know, to start off every new yearly
We review the one past in doggerel (verse that rhymes poorly)

Now last year at this time, when we did our review
We said the 2012 crop was a big one, and high protein too
Usually for two big crops in a row, not much hope you can muster
But the 2013 crop wasn’t just big, it was a real bin buster
I guess it was good weather and good management with N, K and P
Though Gerry Ritz thinks it’s because he got rid of the CWB
Maybe that’s right, though I’m not sure he could prove it
Whatever; now that we have a big crop, we just have to move it
And load it on vessels that off to our customers can sail away
But to get it to them, we must first deliver it by railway
Now that’s a bit tricky, because the railways, I reckon
Like to put shareholders first, and customers second
For railways to try harder it just doesn’t behoove it
They know that with grain they’re the only ones that can move it
“Why should we make investments to be a bit more reactive?
“The grain won’t go anywhere else; the shippers are captive!”
Now when it comes to companies for cellphones and cable
Mr. Harper and crew force competition as much as they’re able
Perhaps for our votes, they think the way to get more of them
Is to say that with cell companies, we need at least four of them
That might save us five bucks a month, or I suppose maybe 20
But if you pay thousands for freight, two railways are plenty?

You don’t like to complain when the crop is that nice
But compared to last year, it’s not quite the same price
Last year the grain markets were hotter than a poker
This year I’d say they’re more or less mediocre
I understand supply and demand, but it gets a bit trying
If it applies just to what you sell, not the stuff you are buying
Grain prices always seem to be subject to “correction”
While prices of seed and machinery move in just one direction
Mind you, if you’re in the business of feeding cattle or swine
For a drop in feed prices, it was just about time

Cattle implant hormones are safe, or so scientists have cited
But I’ve proof that hormones can get cattlemen excited
Or at least talking about them, for if you want trouble, you
Just try selling beef without hormones, as did A&W
That got the CCA all riled up, to fire off a statement
That it doesn’t think much of this hormone abatement
Though if you’re looking for proof to confirm the view
That residual hormones don’t make humans put on weight too
Perhaps I shouldn’t say this; I don’t want on feelings to trample
But that A&W commercial guy might not be the best example
Though I don’t think it’s hormones; the explanation probably lies
In his having a few too many Teen Burgers and fries

Now as you’ll read in this issue, in a story by Dawson
It’s time for glyphosate sprayers to use some more caution
With pre-seeding, in-crop (maybe twice), and then pre-harvest
Of glyphosate your weeds are certainly not being starvest
If there’s just one tough one, the chance is better than maybes
That it will survive all the spraying and go on to have babies
Sooner or later its offspring will have filled up your land
The only way to kill ’em is with a hoe or to pull ’em by hand
And if more than on one crop H-T technology you’re using
Keeping them separate can become quite confusing
In some fields last year, at least when I looked from the ditch
Whether soybeans or corn, I couldn’t tell which was which
On the message to rotate herbicides we’d best turn the sound up
Or before very soon we’ll be wound up with Roundup

So much for the past and all this rear-view glancing
You’ll want to know what’s ahead as the new year’s advancing
For most market analysts, the future’s quite murky
Not for me after checking the gizzard from my Christmas turkey
Canola prices — are the prospects for increase quite good?
“Definitely,” it says, “And if they don’t increase, they should”
How about the prices for feed grain, is there a strong indication?
“Absolutely, depending, of course, on U.S. Corn Belt precipitation”
How about feeder cattle — sell them now, or just stay the course?
“Well certainly, depending on corn prices of course”
Now that I review its predictions, it does make me thoughtful
Whether from gizzards or analysts, the results are both offal

That’s it once again, for annual poetry quite cheesy
So we wish you all well, may your calves all come easy
May your pigs have big litters, may your crops all be busters
With no bugs or diseases and no costs for crop dusters
Best wishes to farmers, from all of us here
For good crops and good prices, and a Happy New Year!

— John Morriss is editorial director for Farm Business Communications in Winnipeg. This editorial appeared in the Jan. 2, 2014 edition of the Manitoba Co-operator (page 4).