Facing depression on the farm

By Laura Rance

Reprinted from the Manitoba Co-operator, Feb. 4, 2010, page 28

The first sign that stress was starting to get Gerry (his real name) down started with anxiety attacks during high-stress meetings.

“I would sit there and all of a sudden my heart would just be flopping around in my chest and I’d feel light headed and it would last maybe 15 seconds and then it would be gone,” he said.

It wasn’t long before he started to experience more evidence that the stress of farming combined with his off-farm responsibilities was damaging his mental health — irritability, chain smoking, impatience with his family and clients, and an ever-deepening feeling of being overwhelmed.

The stress was financial. The productivity from his farm was enough to feed a small city, but he often worried about feeding his own family.

It was emotional. There was a legacy attached to running a family farm as part of an extended family business.

And it was relentless. On top of everything else, his brother and business partner was seriously injured in an accident that left his life hanging in the balance for weeks.

But the only way Gerry knew how to cope was to work harder. “If things got too overwhelming for me at home, I was off to the barn,” the former hog farmer said.

It was a typical response, but one that actually caused him to spiral further into an emotional darkness that was eventually diagnosed as depression.

“Was I at a high risk of suicide? No. Did I think about it? Yes. Did I figure out how I would do it? Yes. Why would I want to do that? Because I figured my family would be much better off financially if I wasn’t there.”

Gerry is Gerry Friesen, a familiar face to many on Manitoba’s farm circuit. On the outside, he was a successful Wawanesa-area farmer and pork industry leader. On the inside, he was drowning in a black hole.

He has a hunch there are many in the farming community who know how that feels.

Stress and depression wear many faces in a farming community. Yet it has traditionally been a topic that is denied or simply shrugged off. After all, that’s just farming, isn’t it?

That’s why Friesen has started 2010 with telling his story publicly on the radio, in newspapers, and at farm meetings. He believes farmers, their businesses and their communities would be stronger — and happier places — if people could talk about depression openly.

“There’s been an increased awareness of depression, particularly in men, and how men react to it — or don’t react to it,” he said.

Breaking the stigma

Calls from men constitute less than half of the annual action on the Manitoba Farm and Rural Stress Line, now entering its 10th year of operation. There were 2,187 calls to the line in 2009, which along with 2007, was a peak year.

But many of the calls from women are out of concern for a male family member, said stress line manager Janet Smith. “Depression is not the nasty word it once was, but we still have a long ways to go,” she said.

Smith said Friesen’s decision to share his story will help. “He’s really putting himself out there. But in a concrete way, he is breaking the stigma. Hopefully the spinoff will be that more people call the line when they need it.”

There has been a fourfold increase in calls coming into the stress line since it started in 2001, a sign of rising stress levels, but also evidence that rural people are becoming more aware and more comfortable with turning to it as an initial step, Smith said.

Callers know the people manning the lines have a farm background and can identify with the issues farmers and their families face. “They’ve walked a mile in a lot of these guys’ shoes; when they bring things up, they get it.”

Greg Gibson, a Brandon-based psychologist, said men have traditionally dealt with depression differently than women, who are more inclined to talk openly about their feelings.

“Instead of talking openly about depression or asking for help, men have a greater tendency to do what is called ‘acting out’ behaviour — turning to alcohol, acting aggressively or impulsively,” he said.

Depression can also cloak itself in addictive behaviour, whether that is through drugs and alcohol or obsessive work habits. Men are also more inclined to stop talking and to isolate themselves from family and friends.

That’s easy to do on the farm, which tends to be a solitary workplace anyway.

“For men, historically, from a rural area in particular, there are those messages that you need to be strong, that you need to be able to do it yourself and talking about emotional stuff or even admitting that you are having some difficulty might be perceived as a sign of weakness,” Gibson said. “It’s getting better, but it’s still out there.”

That leaves it up to family, friends or people they deal with in the community to notice changes in their words or actions — a growing sense of pessimism, deepening sadness or irritability, or physical symptoms such as changes in eating or sleeping patterns.

Individuals may externalize their depression by blaming everyone and everything around them for how they feel. Or they might internalize it, by blaming themselves for all that’s gone wrong.

Warning signs

A clear warning sign that someone is in an emotional abyss is when they talk about short-term plans but avoid long-term topics. Or, when they bring up wills and dying. Statistics indicate that up to 85 per cent of people who take their own lives drop hints about their plans in the weeks leading up to their death. They also show that men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women.

Gibson said the purpose of therapy isn’t to try to eliminate the underlying stresses, which in a business such as farming, is next to impossible.

Rather, the process is about rebuilding the farmer’s resilience and his coping tool box — helping him claim ownership of what he can control and worrying less about the rest.

It starts with talking with someone who understands and validates what the individual is feeling. Gibson said that person doesn’t need to be a professional, just someone capable of listening without passing judgment. But the next step is to guide that person forward to find the supports he needs.

That’s when things began to turn around for Friesen. He opened up to a friend and then, with support from his family, sought professional help in search of more constructive ways to deal with the stress in his life.

He’s had his ups and downs along the way, and says he’s still on that journey.

Excessive use of cigarettes and alcohol has been replaced by a more balanced lifestyle that includes regular exercise.

He sold the farm, which he recognizes isn’t the answer for everyone. But in his case, it allowed him to pursue a career path that interested him more.

He’s learning how to say no, after recognizing his anxiety and stress levels become unbearable when he takes on too much.

And he’s learning how to laugh. “The kids thought I was faking, because they had never heard me laugh out loud.”

— Laura Rance is the editor of the Manitoba Co-operator and writes from Carman, Man. Contact her by email or at 204-954-1427.

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Workshops planned for Brandon

Gerry Friesen and Greg Gibson will be the featured speakers at two workshops on depression and farming to be held at the Provincial Building in Brandon Feb. 16 and 18.

The sessions, sponsored by the Brandon United Way, and co-ordinated by the Manitoba Farm and Rural Stress Line and the Brandon Regional Health Authority, will discuss depression signs and symptoms, coping and treatment strategies.

They start at 1:30 p.m. and are open to anyone interested. For more information, contact the Manitoba Farm and Rural Stress Line at 204-571-4182 or by email at [email protected].